The stigma that comes with informing people about your mental illness can be so devastating to a person. I remember losing friends or acquaintances would walk away and never return in my life, your “closest” friends would gossip about your behaviors and make assumptions. I have been misdiagnosed. My diagnosis codes then and now do not matter; I still have mental illness to manage for life. The stigma still exists, and I hope to transform the way we grow and learn together about how events in this lifetime effect our mind, body, and soul. While my new diagnosis means it is not a genetic diagnosis, it does however mean environmental conditions and people were the results of the trauma. The new diagnosis revolves around my bodies nervous system and how it manages or perceives risk or threat to my body. While distressing and unfortunate things happen to everyone, addressing negative thoughts includes learning how to assess the true risk of a situation in order to cease obsession about what has gone or could go wrong.

The good news about my new diagnosis is there are behavioral and group therapies that can build coping skills to reduce full blown episodes or blackouts and improve self-esteem. I can participate in trauma therapies to heal childhood and adulthood incidents and mitigate the risk of being triggered. Childhood trauma is a root cause for catastrophizing and anxiety sensitivity. The experience of previous traumatic or unsettling events may make a person feel they are more likely to happen in the future; thus, causing your nervous system to escalate into protection mode.

For over a decade, I have been putting well over 13 different prescriptions in my body, approximately 70 pills a week plus PRN. As a result of an appropriate diagnosis, I will now have 2 mental health prescriptions at a minimal and will only be adding as necessary. I learned my body awareness throughout the last 10 years and how to cope with the feelings of every medication in my system.

One medication change attempt almost hospitalized me as my O2 levels dropped and I was unable to walk 10 houses down the street or put food in my mouth; my motor function skills began to stop functioning. I have been a trooper and exhausted the entire med list for the first diagnosis, damaging my body in the process. I have been a test patient for the FDA and will continue to seek out holistic options for my care plan moving forward.

A simple change in the medications has already calmed my body and I am getting insomnia relief. My behavioral treatment plans are changing as my new care team becomes informed and there is a newfound hope. I feel I have more control over training my brain with thought reframing to ease my body reaction with my autonomic nervous system responses.

The drug detoxification process is not pleasant but the thought of only using extreme medications in times of critical need is a much better formula than taking medications that are worsening your mind and body experience. There is a grieving process to having a diagnosis change when you have followed the doctors’ orders for over a decade. I established a new care team after my first suicidal thought. I had exhausted all recommendations and treatments and knew it was far beyond time for a second opinion. There is a level of anger in the grief process when I have diligently followed every routine set for my care plan. I am a person who takes action to live the best quality of life knowing I have disabilities.

It is amazing the length your body will go through to keep you alive; and sometimes that means shutting itself down. I know I will have limitations of watching war on TV; my PTSD will be a part of me. I was advised to buy a rocking chair to help with right and left brain activities. I am hoping for the ancillary symptoms such as OCD will subside through therapy, new medications, and mindfully practicing yoga. I have hope of a brighter future, but this is a consistent and committed routine to unravel years of lost care by having the wrong diagnosis.